This is the logo of my site of hell 😀

I can’t believe that managing one site can be very stressful! But, it definitely makes me learn so many new things. And I think I wanna share it with you, guys! Well, to get one domain isn’t really hard. All you have to do is contact any hosting service that provides domain site. You pay, and there you are! It’s all yours!

I’m blogging for the long time, but I only manage free blog, so I got totally no clue about having a domain and manage them. I once thought that how hard can it be? I bet it’s just the same with managing the free one.

Actually, if you got the same CMS as you do when you free-blogging, it’s not gonna be that different. Unless, in the free-blogging, they already fill your canvas with some automatic facility that you can use automatically (please, I’m such a dork! L.O.L). In your own domain, you are totally got a blank canvas.

Which means good and bad at the same time. Good, you can fill them up with anything you want. Bad, you must carefully choose the facility that you think you need. There is no practical providing anymore!

I feel kinda naive (okay, you can tell me that I’m stupid!) when I think it will go the same exact way. I don’t know whether it applies to any other free-blogs, but in my free blog, there is one plugin installed, which is Jetpack. It kinda smooths my way whenever I’m blogging and I don’t even have to do anything else (I don’t know whether it’s my another naive-power) to spice it up. But, in paid domain, apparently I don’t even have it.

Then, here goes some beginner’s pack that I think we must have. So far, I’ve got few…

1. C-panel

When we pay our domain, of course c-panel comes along with it. What I want to say is we gotta understand about how c-panel works. I have a little silly story. When I got my domain site, I’m confused because nothing comes out. Here’s what it looked like :

Screenshot (41)
When I saw this, my inner thought said, Nooo!!!

It’s a good reason to be panicked, is not? Well, I gotta be honest, I was panicking a little bit and contact the hosting provider right away. Apparently, I must download the CMS first, then set it up. After that, the blank canvas of my domain site opened.

As I got further with my site, I just learned that c-panel is everything. And I think I still learn it about 10% of its performance. Good grieves! Long way to the end of the rainbow!

2. Plugin

Duh! It’s a must-have!

Plugin really simplifies our life as site manager, thanks God for technology. Now, there are generous people (let’s skip the premium facility that drools us, but we gotta pay for it) who even simplify the building of our page. I use Elementor, by the way. It’s not perfect if we’re using the free one, but I think it’s more than enough to make our site looks cool (in my case, look cute). You can do everything with many plugins, but you still have to work to learn it.

It’s alright, we have another technology that full of knowledge. You tube, what else? I mean, it’s video, so you can really look up the tutorial. But, another texting tutorial can be helpful, too. Also, thanks God for bright and generous people.

Screenshot (43)
Here’s the home page of Kiddy Reader. I’m building it with Elementor only.

Not really professional-looking, but I do want it to be homey and childish, so it can be comfort for children who read this site, too. Don’t forget visit my site, okay? Just click here: Kiddy Reader

3.  Contents

When I decided to finally have my own site, I think about some money I must pay. Well, it’s not much, but I can’t just waste money! Besides, I bet people will want to ask some more when they see the site with paid domain, it’s not that it has to be more important than free domain, but who wants to pay some money only to use it carelessly? I won’t, at least! And I don’t want to let anyone down (of course, after I got some traffics :p ), so I already prepared the contents months ahead, so when I already published my site, I will come nice and prepared for at least antother few weeks.

Another reason, because I’m moody and can’t work properly under pressure, so I need to prepare something like contents, so I can update my site every day. Even only one post for one day. I must really work on my mood performance, though! ^^;

Now, where am I? Stuck between two writing media. Only two, and I already fall behind in managing these. I’m definitely gonna work this somehow, hope I can gain more traffic than today.

Thanks to all of you who are willingly to follow me and to all of you who are willingly to read my blog! You’re the best!

p.s. I really need anyone who reads it can leave comment of anything else that we must understand when we begin our life as a site manager, I’m not even sure I got any term that I mentioned earlier is the right term. Oh, well! 😀



Waktu yang Terlalu Jauh

Sekali aku pernah dengar perkataan, “kalau aku tidak menuliskan apa yang ada di kepalaku, aku akan mati.” Di sini, di dalam jiwaku sendiri, aku bisa merasakan apa yang ada di benak orang itu. Betapa kematian ada dalam beragam rupa dan mengintip dari banyak celah.

Tapi, begitu banyak pula alasan untuk tidak menulis. Atau, sederhananya, terlalu takut untuk menulis.



Kepincangan pribadi.

Sesuatu yang benar bukan dalam selongsong yang tepat. Rasionalisasi, itu saja yang diperlukan manusia untuk beralih dari situasinya, yang sebenar-benarnya. Dan aku sudah rasakan akibatnya. Pahit dan terlalu pahit. Kata-kata berlompatan dan tumpang-tindih semaunya, tidak mau teratur dan tidak bisa diatur.

Ekspresi yang tidak memadai, tidak mau berbenih dari waktu-waktu yang terbuang. Siapa bilang lebih banyak waktu maka lebih banyak karya? Kebohongan yang manis dari jiwa-jiwa pesimis yang hanya mau bermimpi dalam tidur. Waktu bukan apa-apa, kecuali kita yang menggandengnya.

Terlalu banyak bicara tentang waktu, sampai kehilangan makna di balik bayang-bayangnya. Bukan, bukan waktu yang menyembuhkan, tapi pikiran yang mengelanakan waktu ke peraduan semestinya, maka ia yang akan menang.

Aku sudah sekarat, tapi enggan untuk mati. Jadi, kulakukan hal yang sudah seharusnya, sejak lama, menginjak tanah dengan kakiku sendiri. Terseok jatuh bukan hal luar biasa. Bercengkerama dengannya, menjadi satu lalu menumbuhkan yang lain, barulah kemenangan pelan-pelan itu terjadi.

Inilah ketakutan yang kubicarakan, kemenangan pelan-pelan yang tak terasa, bahkan tidak tergubris oleh mata telanjang. Kemenangan yang diinjak oleh keserakahan dari pikiran yang terselubung jentik-jentik ekspektasi. Bergerombol pelik hingga hilang celah untuk mengintip.

Kadang, aku hanya tak sabar untuk melompat ke satu waktu yang belum lagi kukenal.


Indonesian Poetry : “PALU”



Palu itu sudah berkarat

Gaungnya masih nyaring, memang

Pantul-memantul pada sekat-sekat

Gamang meminta arang


Palu itu kayu rapuh

Gemilang pada masa rentang

Pandir kala meramu

Gus, memang dia hanya barang


Dia, manusia

Menggerakkan, mengelakkan

Dimana palu menggema


Dia, manusia

Membuang malu, menggusur nurani



Dia, manusia

Mendewakan dewa yang telah mati


Adil sudah lewat

Zamannya telah lalu

Adil bukan maslahat

Sekadar guyon lucu


Selamat jalan

Kusebar permata di setapak ini

Untukmu yang buta akan keseakanan


Selamat jalan

Biar mayat-mayat garuda

Terlibas demimu berjaya


Depok, Indonesia, 26 November 2017



So, eventhough I change my language preferences in my site, I always love Indonesian language, duh! I’m from Indonesia, however. Besides, I really want everyone knows about my beautiful language. And it’s only my national language, there are many languages in my country. According one of Indonesian’s news media there are 652 languages, not including a dialect and subdialect of those languages. (the source : Republika : There are 652 Community Languages in Indonesia) has the lists, I don’t even know mostly of them (So ashamed of myself, but it’s many!). You can visit here, if you ever care: Lists of Indonesian language.

Back to my poetry, I will give you in English translation :





O Hammer was corroded

Its echo still aloud, indeed

O resounding among dividers

Its nerves shakes up beg for black coals


O hammer was tender 

Effervescent at between times

Obtuse at collecting

Childs, indeed he was merely things

They, human

Move, escape

Where he echoed


They, human

Move away ashamed, thrown conscience



They, human

Worship Deity who was perished


Justice was gone

The era was ended

Justice salvation no more

The hideous joke now he served



I spread jewels on this path

For you blinded by the pretence



Let the remains of Garuda

Forsaken at your triumphant


Depok, Indonesia, 26 November 2017


Only a little bit explanation. “Gus” is an old word, usually used in Java. And Garuda, I can’t translate that, because it’s the symbol of Indonesia. 🙂

Hope you know a bit of Indonesia know.



The Rarity of Certain Indonesian Classic Literature

classic indonesian

I want to talk all about my country now, Indonesia. People might know Bali more, but fyi, Bali is one of the province in Indonesia. So, if you know Bali, just keep in mind that it is part of Indonesia.

Actually, there are many many tourism spot that as beautiful as Bali. Although I must admit that maybe Bali becomes really famous not only because the beauty, but also because their people are very welcoming to any visitors all around the world with all varied cultures.


I don’t wanna discuss that now. I want to talk about literature. There are many various Indonesian literature from many different eras, and it’s safe to say that I don’t really know them all.

One thing for sure, literature here becomes really important since there are times when journalism is controlled by tirant and literature replaces the function of the journalism, to spread news and thoughts.

For many years, writers were being pressured and being imprisoned without any court and justice. For example, Pramoedya Ananta Toer, famous for his Quartet Buru, was being imprisoned for 14 years just because his books were considered dangerous. He did have rather radical thoughts. Moreover, all of their works; books, journals, any writings, were destroyed and banned. Many of their works are missing until now, and few of their writings become rare goods.

Why do people not reproduct the books remain a mystery. Two possible reasons are for personal benefit, because the more books become rare, the more expensive they are.

I found one of Pramoedya Ananta Toer’s books, titled “Di Tepi Kali Bekasi” (I think it’s not being translated in other languages). One of online shop sell it with the Rp3,000,000,00 which is a lot to the ordinary people like me (if we convert it to USD it will become USD222 or so). And even though I have those money, it will be just gone with one click and dissappear again from the market. That’s how rare the certain books are.

Second, I hope it’s not true because it only makes me still belong to the feudal era, someone still tries to put their thoughts hidden, so they don’t influence many people. Maybe people who will be injured with a critical thoughts of the citizens.

However, indie publishing books publish them, but it creates other dilemmas for us because they don’t exactly get a legal agreement for it. So, whenever we buy it, we promote the piracy. In the other hand, if we don’t read them, we lost much more; the history, the different thoughts and paradigms, the social situation back then. It will be a great loss, since history is the lesson we all need to learn.

So, what happen? Why did a major publisher not publish them? Can’t they ask for legal permission from the families or the copyright holder of those rare books?

What I found is the rare books mostly the books considered as the left-wing politics books, or socialism or communism. Some people thought that Pramoedya’s books contain the communism ideology, I, myself never see it in his works. I only saw that Pram was really concerned about injustice and repression among Indonesian people in the middle of chaotic social-politic condition here.

The problem is Pram told us the other side of history, which of course will cause a rupture among the creator of historical textbook nowadays. It means a very huge change that I am certain that half of people might not be ready for it yet. But, learning from the wrong history certainly will produce the wrong result. It’s not about ready or not, it’s all about not repeating our mistakes from long time ago.

I think it doesn’t matter who is true or who is false, only the truth will helps us to avoid the same mistakes.

Classics, I Love Thee


Oh my God!

When did the last time I write in my own blog? Every time I want to write, I just lose it, all those inspirations is gone. Well, actually it’s still there, but only as a fuzzy shadow behind my penniless mind.

There are many ways to write something, and I just can’t seem to pull it off. Silly me!

To be honest, I don’t even know what to write right now, so maybe a random thing will help. Usually, writing any random thing, or reading mostly, helps me to let my brain works properly again. Hope it works.

This last two years, I realized something. It’s because I finally found what my dream is. A little bit too late, but I’m happy I, at least, reach this moment. Considering many opinions of my close relatives about writing and the life of writer, I sometime still can’t believe I’m doing this now.

I might not become an author yet, but deciding to pursue career in writing is a great deal for someone like me 😉

And now, to develop my writing skill, of course I need to read something. Maybe I’m too conservative, but I choose, first of all, classics. Not only because I love classics, but it is really extraordinary that a work from 150 years ago, for example A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, can stay alive, more than that, enlightens and inspires a literary world nowadays still. How great is that?!

When I actually did, and still do, hopefully forever after, I fall in love with classics. What strikes me most is, I can reread this classic novels all over again. I mean, I always thought that classics have deep and heavy meaning, difficult phrases that will very hard to grasp. Well, at some point, it’s true. But, they have definitely fascinating way of expressing stories.

You can see I already mentioned Charles Dickens is his spesific work. Well, I gotta be honest, due to my indesiciveness, I start reading seriously (here, I also mean studying them to develop my writing skill) very late. So, this novel is the only one of Charles Dickens’ novels that I’ve read. How sad I am?


I love how Charles Dickens expressed his opinion and feeling in this novel. The first paragraph is especially astonishing. You know, “it was the best times, it was the worst times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness…” the description of two cities that in their ups and downs at the era. Great teaser that makes me wants to read more and more. Well, since I’ve written all my opinion of this novel, you can read more in my review: A Tale of Two Cities (Gaya Bahasa Narasi dan Dialog).

Do you know that I wrote the review of A Tale of Two Cities in four parts? You can call me dork, but I’m just really amazed by this novel (and the fact that I was finishing it too long, too ^^; )

The other novel that I’m stuck with is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. At first, I thought the most romantist writer there is, is Shakespeare. But, after I read this, I actually changed my mind. The awkwardness of Mr.Darcy is something that enlighten the romantism between him and Elizabeth Bennet.

The great thing about classics are the author always put a good description of the social situation in which the story happens and it always blends into the character’s situation. They are comperehending each other to make a very sensible yet delightful story composition.

In Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen expressed her opinion about the social purposes of women at that time, through the silly act of Mrs.Bennet and many sarcastic comments of few characters inside. My favourite is by Mr.Darcy, “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” (My review of Pride and Prejudice is here: “Pride and Prejudice”)

Never forget one sentence that makes this novel being in uproar, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” I think it’s a sarcasm about how the culture always drives women to chase after life partners.

At last but certainly not the least, because this is my most favourite author of lifetime, classics author, too, and from my country Indonesia, Pramoedya Ananta Toer. Unlike those two I mentioned, Pram (his nickname, by the way) had a very simple way of writing. He’s a true realist, but what amazes me is that he could make such simple words touch my heart and emotion. Very deeply, too.

And just like the other two novels, Pram described the social situation that happens in Indonesia at the moment. Sometime with literal explanations through dialogues, sometime with the implicit scenes of the characters. He had a radical thoughts, so reading his work can be challenging, but definitely worth it!

Besides, he had an excellent way of thinking. My most favourite quote is “seorang terpelajar harus sudah adil sejak dalam pikiran, apalagi dalam perbuatan.” The english translation would be, “an educated person must learn to act justly, beginning, first of all, with his thoughts, then later in his deeds.” Really helps me out to stop and think before I try to make any judgment about anything or anyone.

However, I think, to grasp the current situation of literature development, I need to read modern ones, too. I will talk about modern literature any time soon.

So, what’s your choices of classics?





It goes blank. Oh, such a catastrophe! I have a deadline, this isn’t supposed to happen!

I try to restart my silly notebook, hoping it will go just fine, at least temporarily working. It’s enough, I don’t ask for more!

It still goes blank. My vein starts to pop out any minute now, but I don’t even have time for it. I need to work out the solution immediately. Only 5 hours until morning and I should go to work, to give some presentations to a bald man, a man with wig, a woman with heavy make up and the vein which is even bigger than what I have now.

And they hold the biggest fate of me in their smooth palm of hand. If I don’t come up with a magnificent work tomorrow, or any lousy one at all, they will fire me!

It’s not a joke, and my notebook has the worst timing of all!

“Come on, Honey, I need you, I need you right now,” oh, deep down in my soul I just believe that he can hear me. Or else, he will not act this way in this moment. He must arrange this just to mess me up.

1 a.m.

And the minute’s hand keep slowly scrolling to his left. Leave me hanging all miserable here.

Call someone! The waiting tone rings. Puh! It rings again. Many times now.

And the waiting results at voicemail. The voice over the speaker sounds timid yet friendly. It gives me such a guilt to yell at her nice voice, but what do you expect, really?

I release the biggest sigh in my life, try to calm myself down. Usually, it always works to clear up my mind.

Browse for solution mostly works well for me, so I open google in my smartphone. Lists of sites and blogs come up, offering various solutions.

I’m not an expert, so meeting my inner organ of my notebook, even if I would be so pleased, definitely not a choice.

I try to reset BIOS or whatever you call them. Well, it’s almost impossible as the notebook won’t even turn on. Not even a slight chance of ray of light shines from the light indicator.

I should come up with plan B. Rewriting everything manually and retyping it in another notebook. Or PC, I can’t really be picky in this kind of situation. How can I do it?

Simple, bang some doors at the very early morning and ignore their constant curse they throw at me.

Why, I’m used to it already. My bosses and colleagues are already experts at cursing me. And I mean, every single day.

2 a.m.

I screamed.

“It’s done!” I see the imperfect presentation scheme, but it’s still quite good. Pretty well done, me!

Not a minute I will waste anymore. My step is bigger than ever, faster than any other. The online cab is few minutes left, but there it is!

2.15 a.m.

“You can sleep, I’ll just use your laptop! Oh, such a friend! My job is in jeopardy!”

I tell so once. Then I tell it again. Again for the third. No one feels even a bit of sympathy. I’m alone.

Yet, I’m wandering around the city so dark. She blinks by flares of the jewel shines of every house and skyscraper building rather far away.

The city never sleeps. But, she is still sleepy, wraps each people in the lazy mood. One and two cars pass by through my cab. Sometimes, I can see one or two guys, whether they haven’t slept or just awake to sip a bit of freshness of the night sky.

I lay down my head, absorbing the peaceful of night, the calmness of sleepy city. I see the scheme, so dull on the piece of paper, so beautiful with colorful diagrams and few figures, the only few I can extract out of my forgetful mind.

And the colorful light outside. Glancing as they shyly greet me. The calm I almost lost. I miss them so. Yet, I…

“Oh thanks Heaven! You are the hundredth person I called, thank you. It’s okay if it’s a bit far. With this really empty traffic, I’ll get there by half an hour or so. Yes, Jakarta is quite small actually.”

Yet, I…

8 a.m.

“I’ll touch up a bit more and I’ll be perfect for the presentation! Thank you a thousand times! I’ll pay you! I promise!”

I ran. I might be a little late, but it’s not the time to be perfect. It’s always easy, I’ll just make up the perfect reason, lying but perfect.

That’s all what they want, to hear something perfect, even if it’s a perfect lie.

“Where have you been? Five minutes late, you better have a perfect lie, uhm, I mean reason,” the secretary winks. I just smile, because I literally am out of breathe.

I calm myself for a little minute more, yet the secretary tap impatiently at her watch. I nod a little, then walk confidently to the door.

I open the door and give all the board of directors and my boss the sweetest smile I have. It always works. Yet…

It goes blank. Oh, such an irony!

It’s Gone!

How do you feel if you finished a story, even though it is short, then suddenly it’s gone? Moreover, it was because your stupid mistake? I must tell you that I will have felt very upset if that happened. Yet, it did.

To find an inspiration such a rare case. Well, I can’t tell it’s really rare occasion, but still, for me, an inspiration costs more than a jewel. It’s very very at the high price, the highest, if you want to add more spice into it.

Especially, when my blog hasn’t been updated since…forever, I might say? It just struck me when it’s happened. But, it is what it is, right? Instead of caught of the silly moment of me, I’d rather fix that.

For me, to find another inspiration after that incident is really hard. I might be afraid of doing the same mistake. Then, I chose the easiest way; run away. Usually, I did. But, of course, I can’t always pull of the same “me” over and over again. Everyone must be changed, developed, and become something better than he/she ever was.

So, here we go, just write my heart out. I can’t scream it, it’s in the very early in the morning, the dawn hasn’t even been struck yet, so I just write whatever so I can move on with my life err…my writing, I mean. I really, really never thought that writing can be a very difficult job.

But, it’s still a lot of fun, because I love writing!

(Somehow I really really see this post like a young girl’s post, but whatever! 😀 )

antara maya dan nyata